Well I've been to Hastings
and I've been to Brighton
I've been to Eastbourne too

And I've been here (you've been to one place)
I've been there (you've been to two or more places)
I've been every-fucking-where (3 or more continents)

Well I've fucked a queen (either a monarch or a gay man)
I've fucked Spock (Leonard Nimoy counts)
I've even sucked an old man's cock (over 45)

And I've fucked a sheep
I've fucked a goat
I rammed my cock right down his throat (the sheep or the goat)

And I've drunk that (drunk at least one alcoholic drink)
I've drunk this (drunk two or more alcoholic drinks)
I've spewed up on a pint of piss (anything over half a pint counts)

I've had skag (heroin)
I've have speed (amphetamines)
I've jacked up until I bleed (jacked up = injected)

I've had crabs (pubic lice)
I've had lice (other lice)
I've had the clap
bonus point: and that wasn't nice

I've fucked this (shagged one person)
I've fucked that (shagged more than one person)
I've even fucked a schoolgirl's twat (up to and including 6th form / high school)